The Loser Decision

In my mid twenties, when I was a banker, a top executive in the company offered me a job as his personal gopher. I declined because I already had a good job managing a small group of people. Being a gopher seemed like a step backwards. There wasn’t even a raise involved.

The executive went ballistic. He told me I was making the stupidest decision of my career. I laughed to myself, wondering if anyone was dumb enough to think a gopher job was a stepping stone toward becoming a captain of industry.

Another young guy in the division took the gopher job. A year later he was promoted to Assistant Vice President. In three years he made Vice President, thanks to his mentor. Now he probably owns his own bank.

What I didn’t understand at the time, and the executive in my story didn’t mention, was that the gopher job was his way of getting to know me better, and introducing me to the other executives before propelling me up the ranks. My ego clouded my judgment. I wasn’t willing to go from boss to gopher. That’s all I saw in this decision, even though the reality is obvious in retrospect.

Years later, I got a chance to fix that mistake. When Dilbert launched in newspapers, the response was underwhelming. In the early years, it wasn’t a workplace strip. It was about Dilbert’s life in general. He just happened to have a job. I was surprised to learn, via my e-mail, that readers loved the relatively rare comics featuring Dilbert in the office. Personally, I didn’t think those were my best work. My ego told me to do it my way. My readers told me I was wrong.

What the hell do readers know? After all, they aren’t syndicated cartoonists, and I was, albeit in only a few dozen newspapers. But this time, fortunately, I ignored my ego, changed the focus of the strip to workplace humor, and it took off.

Recently I was reminded of this as I watched two young people allow their egos to drive them over career cliffs. I know they feel good about their decisions, just as I did when I turned down the gopher job.

I’ve come to call this ego-driven behavior the “loser decision.” I don’t mean it as an insult.  It’s an objective fact that life often presents us with choices where the comfortable decision leads nowhere and one that threatens your ego has all the potential in the world.

You need a healthy ego to endure the abuse that comes with any sort of success. The trick is to think of your ego as your goofy best friend who lends moral support but doesn’t know shit.

Has your ego ever driven you off a cliff?

Comments

[Silvox]

Ego(echo:e..g...o....) where are you?

[karoshi]

I love it: The ego as Eddie Haskell.

Honestly, my ego has pretty much left my career alone (not much to see here). Relationships, on the other hand? He's exactly like that plot device I hate so much in romantic comedies. You know the one. The guy meets the girl, they hit it off, everything is going great, until the guy's friends give him some Really Bad Advice that introduces contrived tension into the relationship. "Dude, you can't call her until you wait for three days!" "Whoa, man, you can't just tell her you like her, you need to play it cool!" or even "The only way to really win her heart is to sleep with her sister, man!"

It's bad enough in the movies, but in real life? Stupid ego...

[jakesdad]

I honestly can't think of any "loser decisions"...

my problem up until my late 20s was execution (re: lazy) - I was very good at figuring out what I should do but not so good at actually doing it. somewhere around 30 (almost 38 now) the poles reversed and I got extremely good at execution/follow-through but now have no idea what I'm supposed to do next. I rationalize this by call it "wisdom" - when you're in your early 20s you know everything/how the world should work, by your 30s you realize that there is a scary inverse relationship between people's certainty of their views & their actual intelligence/understanding...

[Hugh Dalton]

Had a boss who'd instructed his Admin Asst to book he and me a flight. In front of me (to feed his ego) he said, "Get me first class and get coach for Hugh". Then my ego (really, I couldn't stop it) said (in front of his Admin Asst) "Yeah, you can't fit your fat ass in one of the coach seats.

Three things happened
1. We both got coach
2. He could fit his fat ass (64" waistline) into one of the coach seats
3. He sat beside(on)me.

[Oz]

I chose the gopher option. In my first job as a graduate I was working for a large company which had a 'star' unit. The guys in it were all very bright and clearly marked for success. I got assigned to the group for one piece of work and when it was done I was asked by my manager whether I was interested in being permanently assigned, even thought no formal system for permanent assignment existed.

The first task I was given was to wash down the walls in the senior guy's office! The second was to get his car fixed. Despite some misgivings I did both and I was "in". It was an initiation and it set me up for the rest of my career in that company. In the end I decided to leave and do something different, but I left with a fantastic reference which helped land the next job.

[Paul C]

As a lowly Fusilier (private soldier) I was consternated to be offered an invitation to a garden party/barbecue hosted by the Regimental Sergeant-Major. I mean, to put this in American terms, this is the Gunnery Sergeant/Top Sergeant/Master Sergeant asking the lowest buck private round to dinner... on inquiring further, I realised that most of the batallion's sergeants and senior corporals would also be present. At this point I very nearly commited professional suicide, as I would have been far happier being down the pub with my mates of an equivalent rank and not having to watch what I did and said in such exalted company... I put this to a veteran Fusilier in the platoon, one who'd risen to Corporal's rank and then been busted down to Fusilier again for some misdemeanour, and asked in as many words if there was any way of weaselling out of it.

The old Fusilier put me straight - he asked why I thought I was being invited to an NCO's party, I said I honestly didn't have a clue, and he said "Boy, whatever else you do, you will attend!"

It made logical sense.. I was being assessed for promotion and just about to step up the ladder that meant, ultimately, I'd be a Sergeants' Mess member. What they wanted to be asure of was whether I could hold my drink, stay alert, present myself positively at a social gathering, not do anything stupid, like make a pass at the RSM's wife (his daughter was a different story), and whether I would fit in their Mess. If I didn't turn up - as every inner instinct was screaming at me - then that's fine, I just wouldn't get promoted, I'd just stay a Fusilier to the end of my days.

As it was, I got my first stripe (to Lance-Corporal, or PFC) on the Monday following the garden party at the RSM's... and I very nearly didn't show, out of fear and trepidation...

[raj]

I think you are right. The question is is ego always wrong? there must be some situations where it is better to listen to ego. personally I have listened to my ego and suffered little defeats, but not a major one so far.

[PSB]

No, never. In fact it has towed me off the brink of the aforementioned cliff multiple times.

http://publicschoolblogger.blogspot.com/

[Boris]

I've made some bad career related decisions, but not for that reason, that my ego prevented me from taking an apparently inferior position as a step to something else.

Scott obviously made the right decision, from a business standpoint, by concentrating Dilbert on the workplace strips. I've mentioned this before, but I'm part of the minority that thought the strip was more consistently funny when there was more about life outside the workplace. It doesn't mean that I'm wrong, just that I'm a smaller part of his market. And I do still read the strip.

[RI_Reds]

I don't understand people that make the "loser decision". I have a friend who I've offered many times to come work for me and he continues to look for that "secure" job with benefits. I broke 7 figures last year and I'm on my way to breaking 8 figures in 2008. Obviously I don't show him the books but it still frustrates me that every time I offer him an opportunity to make 100k a year he continues looking for a job with health insurance at 25k! Sigh...

[Alejandro]

I'd like to think I have my ego under control.

Then again, sometimes you don't know whether you're letting opportunities pass by because:

1. Your ego stands in the way.

2. You are, in fact, judging wisely that they will not bring you any closer to being happy.

3. You're not brave enough to act up to the challenge.

It's still somehow hard for me to know instantly the reasons why I act in certain ways, unless it's some easy call like: "Would you rob a rich dead guy to feed a starving village in Africa?"

Well, duh!

[Jim]

Years ago I worked for a seismic company, they drilled holes where dynamite was placed then exploded, for oil and gas exploration. I worked for a couple of the top level drillers until got my hand broken. After a couple of months to heal I was called back to work for a different driller. These guys treated my like crap. After a few days of this they came by on my day off and happily woke me saying I needed to come out to the field and change a tire. I said "I don't think so" and quit.

Found out a couple months later the reason they were so happy was they were going to give me the drilling rig that day. Instead I quit because I didn't want to change a tire...

[Merlisk]

I think you made the exact right choice by denying the job 'promotion' to Gopher. It gave you the experience to know when you shouldn't listen to your ego, change Dilbert comic accordingly, become successful, then pass your wisdom down to us.

I've similar decisions in my life that lead me to what I have now - which is so much better than had I made those 'right' decisions so long ago.

[SpongeJim]

Some people may have thought it the "loser decision", but I stand by it to this day and have no regrets:

In highschool, I played basketball for the first two years. There were three levels of basketball, and usually you only play the beginning level for one year, but because I was born after September I was to play two. The second year I was a captain.

In the third year, at tryouts for the second level, the coaches seemed to be "pushing" me to a degree, or some might even say picking on me. I didn't even make the first cut. Three guys who had never played for the school before made the team, as well as four other guys that I had played "ahead of" the previous year. I still don't know their reasons, but once the shock wore off I swore I'd never have anything to do with the school's basketball program again.

Enter the senior-level coach. He came to me and said he thought it was wrong that I was cut, and he offered to let me be the statistician for the senior team. I understood, even then, that what he was really doing was giving me a bridge to try out for (and undoubtedly make) the senior team the next year even though I would have been underage. I declined, saying I appreciated it, but I really wanted nothing to do with basketball anymore. He nodded and left, but looked visibly insulted (and I'm sure he was, because he said nary a word to me the rest of my highschool days).

There was one final chapter to all of that. In the spring just before school ended each year, there was a basketball league organized by the coaches that had its games played after school. This league was co-ed, open to anyone who wanted to play, and included the coaches themselves. I decided I'd play despite my vow. Now, a strange fact about me is that I play sports more effectively the angrier I am. That should be a bit of a paradox, but it's true. I believe my focus actually increases in this scenario. Anyway as you might imagine I played very well in that league, and was at my best when facing the coaches who had cut me. My frame had also filled out over that year, and I was quite big by then. Before one of the last games one of the coaches who had cut me came and asked if I was going to try out the next year. I smirked, chuckled and said no - as sarcastically as I could. That was all I needed to be comfortable never playing again, and I couldn't have scripted a better ending to my days playing basketball.

[The Lazy Organizer]

Sometimes what we think are bad decisions, turn out for the best.

So the question is, would you be where you are today if you had taken that position? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

[Alan]

telling a charge-chief in the Navy to "***k off". my ego knew he needed telling, my career nose-dived somewhat.

[Steffen]

I would rather take my subjective measure of happiness. If I am happy with what I am doing then why should I change it for something I do not know about? Even more, why should I be bothered with the success of the other guy? I have to live with my decisions and if they mean I am not in the top notch then so be it! I could not care less. Sometimes it helps to ask first what is wanted and what are the benefits instead of instantly declining but the same goes with immediate consent. Do what you feel is right and only if the outcome of your decision is unbearable then change. But do not change because the alternative was so much better. It was better for the other guy! Why should it go the same way for you? Do you know what he did to achieve the result you can observe?
Granted, for me work decisions usually included a change of location thus preventing me from seeing the alternative. Nevertheless, I do not regret any decision in that context and hopefully will stick to this judgment in the future.
But this is just my opinion, as I said use subjective measures for subjective questions. Why should I employ an objective measure to evaluate my own happiness?

[Skyy]

[Boring comment on free will deleted -- Scott]

[Bob boB`]

The same thing happened to me a couple of times when I was young. I had no idea that I was being invited to climb the ladder with someone “going places” until it was too late.

Now my ego is sabotaging the only thing giving me pleasure right now – my running. I’ve been spending more time injured than running because my ego tells me that I can squeeze in that extra run, to ignore those twinges of pain because the rest of you feels good, and I listen to it until the muscle or tendon that has been pushed too far seizes up and I end up walking home and rehabbing for weeks. Damn ego.

[Mean Joe]

My problem is that I don't really have an ego but am very honest about the way I get very frustrated by those who do. Consequently my response to someone who lets their ego get in the way of solving a problem, i.e. to tell them they are an idiot, is probably something I shouldn't be doing.

[Lonny]

But choosing the gopher role would have been the wrong decision for you. Had you become successful via that route, you wouldn't have needed Dilbert and we wouldn't be having this conversation. There are lots of bank presidents out there, but only one guy who can do Dilbert. I think Karma helped you make that choice, not your ego.

[tajna]

oh, yep.

duringt last annual boss-slave meeting, my director offered me a higher position, to manage six people, instead of performing direct duties as legal professional. and I declined it.

one may ask, what the refusal to accept higher position has in common with the ego stuff. well, my director and I have been on the bad terms from a start. secondly, it came without rise in salary I have asked for. so, as it was instantenous decision I had to make, I halucinated for an instant that accepting an offer without raise would be somehow humiliating, and that I was tricked by my ego that a refusal to become a direct subordinate would somehow keep me dignified.

an idiot, ain't I? only one sane explanation could be - I was afraid of responsibility and didn't want the job, and halucinated suficient "grounds" for refusal.

well, a boring entry (mine), but I expect you won't receive
a lot of "I was stupid, too" ones, so let it be.

[Jason]

I have the opposite problem. My ego is egging me on - Making me take the most uncomfortable decision possible. As a hobby, I write songs. I did it for a while before my ego started asking what the point of writing music that no one ever hears was.

Ego says put yourself out there! Reply to this blog entry! Music executives read the Dilbert blog!

I'm so going to be laughing when my ego is shattered by harsh reality that is the music business.

[Cache]

I don't think it's even a matter of ego, necessarily. I remember a former boss of mine becoming very upset when we had a 'team meeting' and had to write out our goals. I stated as one of my goals to get ahead and be more noticed, because individuals get promotions, not teams. I was quickly pointed out as being 'not a team player'.

However, the most important thing that I did not recognize until my later years is that no one in management really cares what you do. Oh, they care if you're the guy that caused a major loss to the company, but short of that any other person they hire can do the job just as well as you can. Trying to 'do a good job' is utterly irrelevant. What matters is that your bosses know your name, hang out with you, think of you as their buddy.

Bosses love buddies. Hard workers? Who really cares--hard work is easily replaced. Even in cases where it is not easily replaces, no one wants to move the guy who can do the work of three employees. The safest bet is to be middle of the road, and someone who your boss is on excellent personal terms with. Short of that, you'll never get more than incremental raises and promotions. You want the big moves, the bigger money--people hire their friends for that stuff. It's not always ego, it's your bosses ego that needs to be addressed.

[D@ve]

Excellent topic. Sometimes it is not ego but fear or lack of belief in oneself that motivates us to do the same thing. I started programming at 14. In 1985 I wrote a basic CRM package on my Atari that my brother and I used for our paper route and lawn mowing customers. At one point I thought about selling my system to some companies. However, I was a C student, living in a trailer park, delivering papers and thought no business would take me seriously. In hind sight I can see now that I had a system that ran on $300 worth of equipment and was portable (the Atari computer, modem and floppy drive could fit in a large briefcase) at a time when most business systems were too big to fit on a desk and cost tens of thousands of dollars. I joined the military instead.

The story has a happy ending. While in the service I learned I enjoyed and had a talent for writing and public speaking (both were required by my Air Force job). I have leveraged these three things in my latest career as an entrepreneur.

[Rod]

Ah, nothing like being a mentee to be propelled up the ranks. The problem is accepting the sexual querks of the mentor.

What do you mean that's not "supposed" to happen?

[BillF]

When it comes to work and "Success," I have difficulty finding my ego (it's small).

I like to think of Wally as my mentor. He seems to be the happiest, most content worker in your strip.

[rob kay]

Mine may be in the process of driving me off a cliff. The annoying thing is that, while I'm not sure now, I know it'll be obvious in retrospect. Damn it, why does life always give us the test before it gives us the lesson!

[Raphael Linhares]

Gee, that's a good lesson to be learned.
I probably would've done the same, hope I make the right decision when the day comes.